Funerals

One of our beloved aunts in Norway died recently and we were able to watch her funeral service over the internet via Skype.  I’d never been to a Norwegian funeral before and I noticed they are a bit different than ones I’ve attended in America.

Norwegian funerals are very prescribed and most can be done in under 30 minutes.  There’s always a congregational song, the pastor reads life statistics of the deceased and very few words from a spokesperson for the family are spoken directly to the one in the coffin - and then comes the reading of the flowers.  This is the oddest thing, I thought.

Everyone close to the deceased sends flowers to the church, usually as a group, because they cost so darn much.  One wreath runs between five and six hundred dollars, so all the grandchildren, or all the neighbors, or all those in the social clubs the person belonged to, pitch in to buy a floral display.  Each display has two long ribbons extending from them with writing on them.  One of the ribbons has a message to the dead person like, “Takk for alt” – “Thanks for everything” or “Beloved Grandmother,” and the other ribbon says who sent them.

A person from the funeral home stands up next to the pastor, after the service has nearly wrapped up, and lifts up each floral display for all to see, while the pastor then reads the ribbons.  Apparently it’s rather important to give credit where credit is due, because this may very well take the biggest chunk of time at a funeral if the person was well loved or well connected.  These flowers then follow the casket out to the graveyard to die a natural death, but before they do, the funeral home takes photos of them, and a close up shot of each greeting on the ribbons.  They then make a nice little photo album for the family, which will obviously last longer than the flowers.

So much emphasis on the flowers is rather ironic since there’s an old Norwegian poem that basically says, “Give me flowers when I’m alive and can enjoy them - don’t put them on my grave.”

Also, the life story and personal memories of the dearly departed are typically not mentioned during the funeral – they are saved for the “minnefest” – memory party – held after the funeral, where people eat a formal meal together and those who want to stand up and say something, klink their fork on their glass first to get everyone’s attention.

The memory party is a catered affair, and a hall must be rented.  The idea of everyone volunteering to bring food hasn’t yet been considered in Norway.   Oddly enough, this very expensive event is usually paid for by the dead person, so I’m guessing this may be why the final words always spoken to the deceased are, “Takk for alt.”