Dinner Guests

One sure fire way to upset the social applecart in Norway is to invite someone over for dinner that is not part of your immediate family.  This is just not something Norwegians do.  They only eat dinner with close family members. We didn’t know that of course when we lived there, so we unintentionally caused much discomfort in our little world.

When we found out we had a second cousin we’d never met living right around the corner, we thought it would be nice to have him and his family over for dinner.  He told us this was a “first.” I’m sure the only reason he even accepted our invitation is because he’d lived in America for a few years and he knew that Americans do such things, so he was being kind in accepting, even if he wasn’t comfortable with the invitation.

It seems Norwegians are very self-conscious about far too many things, and they are sure they might cook something that someone wouldn’t like, so this feeds into their fear of inviting others over.  One other issue, I’m sure, is the cost of food.  I made a pot of seafood chowder once for our dinner guests and it cost nearly two hundred dollars just for the ingredients.  Even when kids spend the night with their friends, parents offer to give money to the host family to cover the cost of their food.  They’d never admit this is an underlying factor in entertaining, but I’m sure it is.

Since we broke social norms and invited nearly everyone we knew for dinner at one time or another, we created an awkward imbalance in our relationships.  Our guests felt the need to immediately invite us over to pay off this “debt.”  Often, we were the first guests the family had ever hosted, so for many, it was not a comfortable evening and there was much apologizing over their efforts.

Norwegians only invite non-family members over for parties or for “coffee,” but “dinner” is not on their agenda. “It’s all we know,” was the response I got when I asked, “Why?”

When they invite someone over for coffee, there is a prescribed menu, which everyone is comfortable with, and everyone likes – open faced sandwiches, fruit and cheese, and cake afterwards.  Nothing can go wrong there. In fact, everything can be done up ahead of time so there isn’t even a worry as to the timing of the food being done all at once, which takes a lot of pressure off. 

A friend told me that the normal time for inviting someone over for “coffee” is about five o’clock - so apparently, it’s not the gathering together that makes them nervous - it’s just what they call it.