The Magnus Report

The way America and Norway handle bullies at schools couldn’t be more opposite.  Norway has acknowledged that bullying is becoming more of a problem, yet they do nothing more than have all the kids sign an “anti-bullying” contract at the beginning of the year. Immigrants are often the targets of bullying and my son was no exception.

One day Kaleb came home in tears just because kids excluded him from kicking around a soccer ball.  He asked why he couldn’t join them and they said, “Because you aren’t Norwegian.”  He tried to explain he was actually 75% Norwegian, but they apparently had no tolerance for foreigners on their playground that day.

Kaleb was also a “big hit” with a boy in his class named Magnus, who found Kaleb’s sweet face irresistible.  He often punched it for the oddest reasons. One time it was because Kaleb parked his bike next to his, another time because he was standing behind him in line. When Kaleb came home from school each day, I always asked him about “The Magnus Report,” as it came to be known.

The day Kaleb told me Magnus came at his throat with a pair of open scissors, was the day I decided the “zero tolerance” policy they have for bullying at school, was just not enough. I made an appointment with the principal to tell him just how we deal with such things in America. It fell on deaf ears. When I suggested a consequence like having Magnus stay inside during recess if he punched or kicked or threw rocks at my sweet boy, the principal kindly thanked me for my suggestion, then told me why it wouldn’t work.  In Norway, everyone is treated the same, and if Magnus were singled out and punished for his behavior, he would feel different, and that is just not how they do things in Norway.

When I talked to Magnus’s mother about the scissors-to-the-throat incident, she apologized, but then I noticed Magnus was at a birthday party that evening. If my son had attacked another kid with scissors at school that day, I’m certain he wouldn’t be attending a party that night. Magnus’s mother didn’t want him to feel left out just because of his “impulse control problem.”

One day when Kaleb had been clobbered by three different kids, he cried as he recounted the events. I told him I thought maybe we should just go back to America because we didn’t move to Norway to have him become a punching bag, and we were free to leave at any time.  Kaleb’s response surprised me. “Hey,” he said, “there are a hundred kids in the fourth grade, and there are only three of them that are a problem. Do you think I’m going to let those three kids ruin it for the other ninety-seven that like me? I don’t want to go back home just because I get beat up!”

I was quite proud of Kaleb for tolerating Norway’s “zero tolerance” policy.